


Nothing (Empty)

by decay_as_a_life_form



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Author!Taeyong, Nihilism, Sad boi hours, Symptoms of mental health issues, Vent fic?, is it sad boi hours if they feel nothing?, some NCT members are mentioned, with writer's block and lack of enthusiasm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:34:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27164618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/decay_as_a_life_form/pseuds/decay_as_a_life_form
Summary: Taeyong realized that it didn’t matter anyways. It didn’t matter how many stories he wrote or how many worlds he brought to life... He wouldn’t be happy in the end.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 1





	Nothing (Empty)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to my Angel for beta-reading. I love you <3

Taeyong was slouched over his desk. The world seemed to be exceptionally slow since the sleepover at Doyoung’s last week. 

He wondered if he should check in with Mark. The younger man had seemed stressed the last few days.   
Taeyong sighed and woke up his laptop which had nodded off a while ago.   
He didn’t have the strength to write a text to Mark. That was bad, because it also meant he didn’t have the energy to write anything else.

Taeyong hadn’t updated his writer’s blog in a while. There were a few messages from people who read the book he published nearly a year ago.   
It would probably do good to answer those people. His work might gain a bit more popularity if he did.   
He couldn’t bring himself to care.

Now thinking about it, Taeyong realized that it didn’t matter anyways. It didn’t matter how many stories he wrote, how many worlds he brought to life, or how many people read his work... He wouldn’t be happy in the end.

Unfortunately, this wasn’t a new discovery. It was quite old, actually. The fact was merely being highlighted by an awful case of writer’s block on Taeyong’s end.   
It would have seemed strange, were his usual thoughts not very similar to these.

Taeyong sank further into his chair and continued to stare at the few words sitting on his laptop screen. They didn’t seem to make sense anymore. His story had a decent plot, alright, but the motivation of his characters didn’t make sense to him now.

Who would want to travel across half the world just to see a person for a few days? Why would they do it so spontaneously? How would anyone have the energy for all that? 

The young author sighed. His gaze slid to his empty coffee mug.   
It was too late for another cup of coffee but who cared anyways? Well, Johnny cared but he wasn’t here right now.

Taeyong stared at his mug for a while until he finally got up and took it to the kitchen.   
He started the coffee machine and sat down at his small kitchen table. 

While his coffee was brewing, Taeyong decided to brainstorm a little for his story. Maybe if he developed the later chapters, it would motivate him to continue writing.   
He took some sticky notes and a pen from the windowsill and wrote the title of his story on the first note. The next two were his main characters.

Sticky notes stuck onto the table, he started to map out some of the relationship changes. Half-way through a possible break-up scene he decided that one of the characters could be terminally ill. Excited that he had found something, Taeyong added a few more notes.   
After a while he added another one, then another one and a few more… until he realized that he had created a completely new story which had nothing to do with the one he was currently working on. 

Tears of frustration welled up in Taeyong’s eyes.  
He lowered his head in defeat.   
His current story was too far along already. There was no way he could start a new project. A new project that Taeyong was sure he would abandon as soon as he found something new again. 

Taeyong reached for his phone just to realize he had left it by his laptop.   
Right, he wasn’t sitting at his laptop because he was making coffee.

Taeyong looked at the coffee machine. His cup wasn’t steaming so his coffee surely was lukewarm by now.   
He sighed and stood up.

Should he throw the sticky notes into the bin? It was a good story but if he didn’t throw it away, he would be distracted by it sitting in his drafts.  
No, he had to keep the story. He liked it a lot. It would be such a shame to throw it away and anyways: once he finished his current one, he could start working on it.

Taeyong collected the sticky notes and took them to his home-office where he kept a little box with story ideas.   
It was quite full as he kept making up barely finished stories but he got anxious if he didn’t keep them all. They might turn into a beautiful story, Taeyong always told Johnny, who knows.

Once the new story was securely stored in the box, Taeyong returned to his laptop. He had been so enthusiastic about this new story, surely he could fuel that enthusiasm into his current one?

Taeyong managed to write half a page before he burned out again. The next scene was a vague idea but Taeyong couldn't bring himself to flesh it out properly.   
He pulled himself into a proper sitting position and tiredly stared at his screen. 

Today was not his day. He told himself. This week just wasn’t his week. The whole month hadn’t been great, either. Actually, the past couple of months hadn’t been going well.   
Maybe life just wasn’t his, Taeyong mused. Why did God put him on earth? Why not someone else? Someone who didn’t waste his time with not being able to do things because Mental HealthTM. Someone who did great things, actually enjoyed life and didn’t feel like he was suffocating with every step he took. 

Taeyong sighed for the tenth time this evening.  
Maybe he should go to bed, he decided.

He almost forgot to save his work progress.   
He skipped brushing his teeth altogether.   
For pajamas he just took off his sweatpants and put on a sleeping mask.

When he finally was in bed, he remembered his cup of coffee which was still standing under the coffee maker.

Oh well… 

He would have to put it away tomorrow.


End file.
